"It's a...!"

Accompanied Liyun to NUH for a detailed scan of the baby yesterday. We brought Jaslyn along because my wife felt that it would be nice to involve her as we would get to know the gender of the baby from the scan.

"Do you want a didi or meimei?" We asked her.

Jaslyn frowned and said, "I want a baby!" Think she doesn’t really care about the gender so long as she gets a baby to play with.

We arrived at the clinic at 9.25am sharp. However, Dr Mary Rauff was called away for a delivery, so we went to the downstairs cafeteria for breakfast, and only got to see the doc finally at 10.30am. The baby was fine, though a bit on the plump side.

"And do you want to know whether it’s a boy or girl?" asked the doc.

My wife nodded.

"Well, there’s something in between the legs, so..."

So we now have a son, and Jaslyn has a baby didi.

A lot of people have been asking me if I prefer a boy or another girl. Truth is - the idea of having a son fills me with a sense of trepidation. I am not sure why... Maybe a reason is because I feel that being the parent of a son entails much more responsibilities in this society compared to a daughter. Societal expectations of a man are simply much higher (and though this might sound chauvinistic, I believe it to be very much true). Society expects a man to be confident, self-assured, able to take charge, provide for the family, etc. Of course, women are able to have all these qualities, and they may even do better than a man, but in general, these are qualities we expect a man to naturally possess.

Not that I think raising a daughter is easy or takes no effort – I am determined to bring Jaslyn up the best way I can, but it’s just that I feel if I screw up as a parent, the consequences are more disastrous for a son than a daughter.

And maybe... It is also because I do not have a very close relationship with my father, and I am worried about how I would turn out as one with my son. I hope that we will not have a relationship that is as awkward and distant as that of my father and I. Nobody starts out wanting to be a bad parent (or bad anything!), but the demands of life can be so overwhelming at times that people are just unable to cope. I think that is how most relationships sour... When you are unable to cope, you withdraw from the relationship, whether physically or emotionally, and that is when it all goes downhill.

Does my father have any regrets, I wonder...? Does he wish he can turn back time and do things differently as a parent?

My prayer would be that at the end of the day, when my children are adults, they would be God-loving, strong, wise, assured and compassionate individuals. And I would be able to look at them with no regrets, content with the knowledge that I have done the best I can.