A Clueless Parent's Trip to the Doctor

Last week, Jaslyn (our 2-year old) had fever and flu. We tried giving her medicine, which she absolutely refused to drink. She has also reached the age where it's simply impossible to force-feed her via a syringe by squirting it down her throat as she would spit it right out. We did try, though. I held her down on the bed (while she screamed "Don't want! Don't want!") and my wife tried to pry her mouth open with one hand and insert the syringe with the other. The medicine was spat right back at us.

We finally decided to bring her to see the doctor, and proceeded to inform him of the difficulties we faced in administering medicine. The doctor (who does not look like he has any kids of his own) gave us a withering look and said, "But you have to give her some medicine. If not, how is she going to get well?"

We nodded meekly.

The doctor sighed and said, "Do you want to try using suppositories?"

Now, I have heard of suppositories; I know that they are administered anally. But other than that, I have no idea what it looks like, or how it works. And being your average straight male, I have a natural aversion to anything that had to be administered anally. Admittedly, the medicine was going to be used on my daughter and not on me, but still...

"How long does it take to take effect?" I asked doubtfully.

"About six hours," the doctor replied.

"You mean I have to press her down on the bed and keep it in her butt for six hours?" I asked, shocked.

The doctor rolled his eyes. "No. You just insert it in and leave it there. The body takes about six hours to absorb the medicine." He looked at me and I could tell that he knew unless he showed this clueless parent how to go about doing it, the toddler was probably not going to get any medication, orally or anally. "Okay, I'll show you how it's done."

He put on the gloves, took out this capsule and proceeded to insert it into Jaslyn's butt (Jaslyn was surprisingly fuss-free the whole time). "There, that's it."

"That was simple," I commented, relieved. Then, a thought struck me: "So I have to remove the thing from her anus after six hours?"

The doctor gave me a pained look. "No, it will be absorbed into her body."

"Okey dokey," I said, feeling like a total ass.

Thankfully, that was the end of the consultation. And thankfully, Jaslyn's fever came down after that so we didn't have to use any suppositories.

I like to think I've become a bit wiser from this experience. Suppositories ain't that bad. I might even request for some the next time I go see a doctor.

Then again, maybe not.